Don't you send me to vm
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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