Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
