I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
