in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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