hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
