obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
