that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
