Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
