Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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