I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
