i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
