my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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