R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
