How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
