If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
