Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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