Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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