you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
