I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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