the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
