my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
