just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize