So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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