he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
