Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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