Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
