just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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