I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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