I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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