There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
