Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
