Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
