dude i'm inner monologue high
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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