you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
