I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
