I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
