Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
