I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
