kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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