i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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