So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
