My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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