what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
