remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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