Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
