I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize