My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
