he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
