I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
