She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
