chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
