i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
