Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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