I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
