I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
