Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
