That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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