Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
