Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
