508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
