I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
