I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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