i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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