I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
