in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
