SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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