There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
