I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am puke
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
