My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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