My first STD was from a foam party
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
