Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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