Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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