my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize