I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize