either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
