I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
